New words and phrases

Fabulous - now to remember them...

New Words for 2007

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box

AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under

GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks

SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person

TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women


And just because they're funny..... Old Words for 2006

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business"

SINBAD. single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" -
needless paperwork and processes

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

GOING FOR A McSHIT. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is
known as a McShit with Lies.(we've ALL done this)

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you've come from

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you
go:"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!"

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're
in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead

SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person

Men and bums

Another thing I know about men for sure (or maybe about my colleague, who represents the typical male) is that when a man walks behind a woman that is what he is thinking. Behind.

He just walked into the office and said, and I quote: “Say what you want, but African women have great asses”.

I asked him who he was referring to and he said he really didn’t care who it was as he wasn’t concentrating on her face at all. In fact, he didn’t even take the time to look at her face. He couldn’t even have told me if he knew who it was; he was completely fixated on her butt.

Just to prove my point, he also looked at my chest this morning, blushed, and said (I kid you not) “no Friday cleavage then? I was looking forward to some cleavage and now you have ruined my day.”

I find it completely amusing that he thinks it is funny to say that right out loud, and secondly that he thinks it is appropriate to say something like that at all in this day and age.

Can you say “sexual harassment”?

Joke of the day (not my original...)

Men and cleavage

So, I think there is a compulsive connection between women's breasts and men's eyes. I did a little experiment the other day - I wore a tight-fitting, black, crossover, fairly low cut, revealing t-shirt. Of all the men, one (who I suspect is gay) did not look at my cleavage. The rest looked, almost as if they could not help it. I questioned a few of them on it, and their reply was that if I am going to wear clothes like that then I get what I want, and do they.

Whatever.

I am just totally amused that men in general are so unable to control themselves. It is both amusing, and sad. Poor guys. Imagine being ruled by women so obviously and so impulsively all the time...

I guess I never noticed this before because I have been overweight my whole life, and have only recently noticed that I have a body.

I have lost 43 kilos in the last 3 years, and kept it off. Just a few more to go. woohoo. I am literally half the women I used to be.