it's not MY responsibility

A few days ago, 5 young lads stole a paddle boat from within an enclosed municipal area in Eastern Johannesburg, and upon taking the boat for a joy ride in the Blauwpan dam, capsized the boat and 2 of them drowned.

You cannot believe the furore that has blown up around this. One radio DJ was heard to comment that although they shouldn’t have stolen the boat, they don’t deserve to be punished by dying.

Indeed, in this case the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. It never does in South Africa (this is another story for another time), and one can only feel enormous amounts of empathy for the families who are left behind at the loss of their sons. They say that the worst thing that can happen is to lose a child. My heart breaks for the parents. But the war cries of the community somehow lessen the empathy and harden my heart towards the mother who speaks out on radio trying to sue the municipality for negligence at leaving the boat in an un-seaworthy (or whatever) condition where it could be used.

First of all, it was in fact locked up in an enclosure behind fences and padlocks. Second, the children did wilfully and with malice break in to that enclosure to steal the boat. That is to take the boat without permission and consent or authorisation even though they all knew that none of the five of them could swim. I mean how thick could you get?

Is the boat yard to blame? I don’t think so. Will this go to trial? I hope not. Should the municipality counter sue? I believe so. Will they? Never in a million years. They dare not because the community wants to blame someone for the loss of a child’s life. They want to blame someone for the dreadful loss – a loss which was avoidable. Not only could it have been avoided, but it should have been avoided. But not by blaming the municipality for having a boat locked up by a dam. Rather let’s point the responsibility back where it belongs – squarely back on the shoulders of the parents. Parents are supposed to teach their children not to steal, not to break in, not to run across busy roads in front of traffic, not to do things that are dangerous, and so on. Parents should accept the responsibility for the lives of their children (and this is children until they become adults and then they are responsible for THEMSELVES) and not keep blaming everything and everyone else for everything that goes wrong.

My child got run over on a highway – let’s sue the driver and the road’s company. NO – teach your children to use the pedestrian crossing and not to run across highways in front of speeding cars.

My child got cancer from cigarettes – let’s sue the cigarette company – NO – read the warning and don’t smoke. Teach your children to take responsibility for what they do.

My child drowned in the deep end – let’s sue the swimming pool – NO YOU look after your children and supervise them and not leave them to their own devices all day and hope that they will magically be all right.

Let’s not perpetuate this folly of assuming that someone else will take the responsibility for everything we do – especially the government. WE ARE ALL responsible for the choices we make, and will have to bear the consequences. WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT.

Grow up and face the music. If you want to do what you want, fine. But then don’t moan if you get what’s coming to you. After all, do the crime, to the time.

Rantings of the insecure

I was at dinner last night with a friend, and while we were eating, he held up a dinner plate, and said “pretend it is a mirror: - do you love the person you see in there?”

I am not sure exactly what nerve it was he hit with that comment, but some secret and well-guarded emotion inside me broke open and I started crying. It suddenly struck me that I don’t really like myself very much, even after years of work at self-esteem, and self-nurturing (something which I am still learning how to do). I am very good at finding fault with myself, and can tell you lists of what I have done wrong from moment to moment of practically each day of my life for ever. But I find it difficult to see any good things. I am working at this, and I thought I had made some progress, but after crying in the restaurant and causing a good friend great discomfort, I wonder if I will ever be able to really accept myself and love the person I am.

How people love themselves? How do people who love themselves, treat themselves? How do they act? How do they get to love themselves in the first place? How can we love ourselves when we are all so flawed and ugly on the inside?

I guess this is a “glass half empty” view and not a “glass half full” view. This is the struggle I am facing – how much weight should negative attributes have in comparison to positive ones? For example, if we have two negatives and four positives, do they cancel each other out? What about one really good one with three slightly bad ones? I don’t know. I do know that we all have good and bad things in us – this is what makes us who we are. I guess it is all part of the plan, but I don’t understand. How can I come to terms with the bad stuff in me? How can I accept that I am not, and never will be, perfect? I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I also don’t know where the journey started, or where it will end, but I do know that I like myself a little bit more each day, but it is not yet enough. It is not enough because I still cry at night when I think about who my friends are, and why they are my friends. There are also times when this causes me to sabotage myself, and I am so mean to my friends that I do chase them away. Almost like I challenge them to see if they will stay when I show them how horrible I can be.

I am sorry.

Maybe if I can be nicer to myself, I can be nicer to you – if you have hung around long enough to see any of the good stuff… perhaps I will have friends who have stayed and have taught be love myself. Thanks.

Tick tock

Manners in the modern world

I saw something very interesting this morning that got me thinking. On the door of a local taxi - "DO NoT SLAM MY DOOR" sic.

This opens up a whole interesting debate of manners, not the least of which would be road manners. Mini bus taxis in this country are notorius for their lack of road manners, their blatant disregard for the law, and their almost purposeful display of law-breaking in any and all situations. For example, you will be waiting in a queue at a robot (for those who are not familiar with this local term, it is a traffic light) waiting to turn right across the oncoming traffic. There is oncoming traffic, so we are all waiting until such time as there is a gap when the traffic light is green and there are no cars. The taxis will actually drive 200 meters down the wrong side of hte road, literally pushing other cars out of hte way to make the right hand turn. But worst of all, the traffic cops standing on the corner just stand there and DO NOTHING.

Never mind manners, what about the rule of law. When do manners and law cross over? I think that South Africa has a serious problem in this regard, and I find that taxi drivers who actually expect manners to be applied to them are seriously out of touch with reality, or phychotic, or both.

There is a third option, perhaps this driver was the statistical anomoly - that one in ten trillion gazillion that actually obeys the traffic laws, has a road-worthy taxi and does have manners. But i doubt it.

I want to carry a bazooka and blow the bastards away when they push in front of me - relying on the fact that I don't want to scratch my car and will stop on a dime etc etc.

I want the judges to come back - the ones from Judge Dread. I am waiting.

but I am not holding my breath.