the dreaded Moriarty

It is local election time again. Again. Notwithstanding the people's struggle to vote, it seems ironic that there are so many other concerns consider when "making your mark" on the paper to show your choice, and perhaps this is the cause of the great apathy which concerns the government. All the parties campaign by blackening (har har) each other's names, and with slander and "proof" of corruption, clever adverts, and unethical plays on fears or sympathy, but this year, there is something different. I have spotted some humour. I am certain it is unintentional, however funny it is. Today on my way in to work, I nearly drove off the road with laughter upon seeing the grinning face of a local party's candidate proudly proclaiming "vote Moriarty as local Mayor".

After all, everyone knows he escaped in a time machine to get away from Sherlock Holmes, and is clearly at large here to do his worst.

Let the voting begin...

Christmas Freebies

I may have inadvertently discovered the actual origin of the word “freebie”. Perhaps etymology professors all around the world will disagree, quoting tomes of intellectual knowledge to prove me wrong; but in that true and scientifically proven method of empirical proof, I offer the following as my thesis as follows:

I gave my Mother a Lavender plant for Christmas, and when I handed it to her, she asked me what was buzzing. I was confused for a moment, wondering what from my house could have fallen into the gift bag, turned itself on, and started buzzing as she held it. A fleeting catalogue revealed no such item, except for an Acme hand buzzer (still their greatest seller, according to Marvin Acme [okay, yes, I have just finished watching Who framed Roger Rabbit]). Even by suspending my disbelief (which is necessary for unbiased scientific observation, this was most unlikely. Therefore, by applying Ockham’s razor, or perhaps by reciting the maxim of that most excellent fellow – Sherlock Holmes - "that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth." I knew that I was on the right track.

Or maybe, I just got lucky.

Either way, I realised, it was a bee – probably a stowaway from the Lavender bushes at my house. (But don’t worry, I won’t regale you with more info on that score …)

I immediately took the offending buzzer outside, and removed gift bag which was around the plastic bag which around the plant bag – thereby releasing the angry bee. I had put the plant bag in a plastic bag to keep the water from the plant bag from affecting the paper of the gift bag, and causing it to deteriate (sic) and plummet to the ground, spraying mud, sand, and bits of Lavender all over my Mother’s carpet just at the most inopportune time; such as you may see in a re-run of a Roger Rabbit short.

But I have not told you the best bit. As the buzzer started, my Mother first asked me what it was, and once we had figured out that it was not a battery-powered item, she immediately shouted – “Hey! It’s a freebie!” And there you have it.

That’s all folks!


Ps – here is a joke.

Comic 1: what do you know about show business?
Comic 2: only that there’s no business like it. No business I know…