Okay, so there is an even BIGGER guy out there now. The other evening the Undertaker and Marc Henry were gong at it - two of the WWE's largest and most agressively brilliant wrestlers without being OTT like Kane (who I personally think is just a psycho [and it is probably just marketed that way,,,]) when another hulking brute of a man walked in and stepped over the top rope as if it were just a tiny ostacle.
Now, Taker must be 6 foot 7, (no, I am not obsessed to the point where I know the EXACT stats of each wrestler), but he must be one of, if not THE tallest man around, and this new-comer towered over him. Taker came up to just under his nose.
!!!!!
And he did not look like a freak either. He looked a bit like the character Jaws from the James Bond movies, but without the bling in his mouth. With one overhand chop he knocked the Undertaker down. It was extraordinary.
I still don't know who he was - the announcers didn't say. I guess it is time to watch the next installment. And you say it isn't a soapie...
Friday, April 28, 2006
Monday, April 24, 2006
Sad sad day
Well – I watched with anticipation to see the Champ return – Yup – John Cena beat Triple H at Wrestle Mania 22, retaining his title. As he stepped out into the ring at Chicago to be welcomed by his fans roaring at his success, he asked them to turn his music off so he could bask in the chants and screams of his adoring fans praising him.
Okay – he deserved that. Maybe.
Then he went a little overboard. He started with a speech in which he started talking about what it means to be the champ, and basically that it means that you have to step up to each challenge and represent the best of the WWE at all times, blah blah, and that you may not always feel your best but you have to be ready etc. Then as he was still speaking, Triple H’s logo and music came on, and he strutted down into the ring with the ring with John Cena.
Then followed a lot of the usual posturing with Triple H saying that he wanted a rematch, and that the only reason Cena beat him was because he made the same mistake everyone else was beaten by him - that he had underestimated him, but that he wanted a rematch… and then something even more exciting happened. Edge and Lita also came down. The Rated R Superstar started shooting his mouth off at Hunter – saying that if anyone should get a chance at the title it was him (Edge) and not the self-promoting Triple H. In fact, he went so far as to say that he should get to the back of the line and let the next guy step up and take the shot. Of course – Lita, whose boobs never quite seem to stay in her tops (no matter what she wears), was just standing there supporting her man, nodding sagely, and looking for another opportunity to shake her pretty little pony tail in agreement. But then, the pawpaw really hit the fan.
Triple H and Edge decided to team up against Cena in a handicap match for the title. Now a smart man would have run away, but I guess Cena is either not too bright, or just too damn proud, because instead of walking away, he took the match. And consequently, he lost. Bye bye title, and bye bye WWE belt.
I guess he can get it back, but knowing Vince McMahon, that aint gonna happen any time soon. I think that both HBK and Cena are in the dog box now, and are going to learn the real meaning of pain.
And you were my hero. Why did you go and do such a stupid thing? In the words of the commentators – this was a cheque your body could not cash.
I guess the Champ is no longer here, and this time, we really can’t see you.
Okay – he deserved that. Maybe.
Then he went a little overboard. He started with a speech in which he started talking about what it means to be the champ, and basically that it means that you have to step up to each challenge and represent the best of the WWE at all times, blah blah, and that you may not always feel your best but you have to be ready etc. Then as he was still speaking, Triple H’s logo and music came on, and he strutted down into the ring with the ring with John Cena.
Then followed a lot of the usual posturing with Triple H saying that he wanted a rematch, and that the only reason Cena beat him was because he made the same mistake everyone else was beaten by him - that he had underestimated him, but that he wanted a rematch… and then something even more exciting happened. Edge and Lita also came down. The Rated R Superstar started shooting his mouth off at Hunter – saying that if anyone should get a chance at the title it was him (Edge) and not the self-promoting Triple H. In fact, he went so far as to say that he should get to the back of the line and let the next guy step up and take the shot. Of course – Lita, whose boobs never quite seem to stay in her tops (no matter what she wears), was just standing there supporting her man, nodding sagely, and looking for another opportunity to shake her pretty little pony tail in agreement. But then, the pawpaw really hit the fan.
Triple H and Edge decided to team up against Cena in a handicap match for the title. Now a smart man would have run away, but I guess Cena is either not too bright, or just too damn proud, because instead of walking away, he took the match. And consequently, he lost. Bye bye title, and bye bye WWE belt.
I guess he can get it back, but knowing Vince McMahon, that aint gonna happen any time soon. I think that both HBK and Cena are in the dog box now, and are going to learn the real meaning of pain.
And you were my hero. Why did you go and do such a stupid thing? In the words of the commentators – this was a cheque your body could not cash.
I guess the Champ is no longer here, and this time, we really can’t see you.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The Legend Killer versus Rey Mysterio
Hey Randy – you keep on about how you beat Rey. Guess what. You only just beat him each time, and it takes at least 20 minutes. Plus, you have a significant weight advantage over him. You weigh like 245 pounds, and he weighs like 165 pounds.
Have you figured it out yet? With one or two more pounds, he would seriously stopm your @ss into the ground!
You may have been the youngest World heavyweight champion in the world, but that was for about 5 minutes. Seriously. Go away. You need someone to slap some sense into you. That or just lose the attitude. People used to be behind you, now they snigger behind you. Don’t you get it?
Have you figured it out yet? With one or two more pounds, he would seriously stopm your @ss into the ground!
You may have been the youngest World heavyweight champion in the world, but that was for about 5 minutes. Seriously. Go away. You need someone to slap some sense into you. That or just lose the attitude. People used to be behind you, now they snigger behind you. Don’t you get it?
Wrestle Mania 22
I was thinking about John Cena and Dave Batista, and the Game – Triple H.
Compare them physically, and you will see what I mean when I say that John and Dave are the best proportioned of the wrestlers (yes, I am leaving out a few that could be in there, but they are too arrogant and frankly not quite as beautiful – their muscle shapes are not as well proportioned IN MY OPINION).
Batista has a lot more muscle mass, and is clearly much bigger that John, John looks much more normal, and could almost pass as a person who does not pump iron, if you caught a quick glimpse of him.
The Game, on the other hand, is a big blob in comparison. His head kind of slopes into his shoulders and down pinching in at the top of his brookies which make him look fat. Now, they are not fat – I know this. They probably have less body fat than a block of ice, but Triple H LOOKS FAT because he is not as defined. Perhaps he was once, I don’t know.
And herein lies the ultimate test. I remember once my Dad told me a story about Sumo wrestlers, and we watched a match where an older Sumo who had the weight advantage by at least half lost to a younger Sumo who was new school. My Dad told me that it was because they new philosophy was that weight was no longer the thing, but training and strength in the right places, (or something like that) was the thing – thus the age old Japanese philosophy of new things versus old, where old doesn’t always win was shown again.
I believe within myself, and not only because I think that John Cena is a better wrestler, but because it is time for a change of guard, that WM22 will show the new philosophy of new beating old. Cena beating the Game will hold true.
That is unless they have already decided on the winner, and certain contractual obligations will supersede any crowd demands, and the Game will have to win this time.
What a pity that would be.
Compare them physically, and you will see what I mean when I say that John and Dave are the best proportioned of the wrestlers (yes, I am leaving out a few that could be in there, but they are too arrogant and frankly not quite as beautiful – their muscle shapes are not as well proportioned IN MY OPINION).
Batista has a lot more muscle mass, and is clearly much bigger that John, John looks much more normal, and could almost pass as a person who does not pump iron, if you caught a quick glimpse of him.
The Game, on the other hand, is a big blob in comparison. His head kind of slopes into his shoulders and down pinching in at the top of his brookies which make him look fat. Now, they are not fat – I know this. They probably have less body fat than a block of ice, but Triple H LOOKS FAT because he is not as defined. Perhaps he was once, I don’t know.
And herein lies the ultimate test. I remember once my Dad told me a story about Sumo wrestlers, and we watched a match where an older Sumo who had the weight advantage by at least half lost to a younger Sumo who was new school. My Dad told me that it was because they new philosophy was that weight was no longer the thing, but training and strength in the right places, (or something like that) was the thing – thus the age old Japanese philosophy of new things versus old, where old doesn’t always win was shown again.
I believe within myself, and not only because I think that John Cena is a better wrestler, but because it is time for a change of guard, that WM22 will show the new philosophy of new beating old. Cena beating the Game will hold true.
That is unless they have already decided on the winner, and certain contractual obligations will supersede any crowd demands, and the Game will have to win this time.
What a pity that would be.
2006 WWE Hall of Fame Inductees
Last night when I was writing this article, (actually at 3am this morning after shots were fired in my neighbourhood and I could not go back to sleep) it sounded a lot better – as things tend to. But I am going to post it anyway, since I am giving myself permission to have fun more – yes – thanks to Doctor Phil, but that is another story for another time…
On Sunday evening, the WWE announcers were doing their thing, as ever, and this time it was highlights about the 2006 Hall of Fame Inductees. Of course, first on the list was Eddie Guerrero, and then they showed a highlight reel showing scenes from his career.
Being a relatively new fan to the sport – there were several tings I did not know about this super star, and as always, you have to wonder what the criteria are for selecting the Hall of Famers.
For example, would he have been selected so soon if he had not died? Would he have been selected at all? Would he have been selected if he were not such a crowd favourite? Would he have been selected if he were not from “the first family of wrestling in Mexico”? (Does that mean first as in presidential?). Would he have been chosen if he had taken away Rey’s (or was it really his?) son?
Who knows? I certainly don’t. All I know is that he has had a tremendous wrestling career, and was a charismatic man who knew how to play to the crowd. His tag line (if you will) was lyin’ cheatin’ stealin’, and was known as Latino Heat. He was the loosest man (and no Vince – you don’t count – you just look stupid when you strut, like you have a carrot up your bum and the rest of you is put together with pins) who lived and would almost dance in the ring when was in the spotlight. Hi lived with true Latino passion, and lived out there for all to see – with his triumphs and tribulations.
It was clear that he loved his family (whatever else he did or did not do to and with them), and equally, his friends. It was clear from the highlight reel that he did have genuine friends, and is genuinely missed in his fraternity.
I think that if Vince did have anything to do with this decision, it is the first good one he has ever made.
On Sunday evening, the WWE announcers were doing their thing, as ever, and this time it was highlights about the 2006 Hall of Fame Inductees. Of course, first on the list was Eddie Guerrero, and then they showed a highlight reel showing scenes from his career.
Being a relatively new fan to the sport – there were several tings I did not know about this super star, and as always, you have to wonder what the criteria are for selecting the Hall of Famers.
For example, would he have been selected so soon if he had not died? Would he have been selected at all? Would he have been selected if he were not such a crowd favourite? Would he have been selected if he were not from “the first family of wrestling in Mexico”? (Does that mean first as in presidential?). Would he have been chosen if he had taken away Rey’s (or was it really his?) son?
Who knows? I certainly don’t. All I know is that he has had a tremendous wrestling career, and was a charismatic man who knew how to play to the crowd. His tag line (if you will) was lyin’ cheatin’ stealin’, and was known as Latino Heat. He was the loosest man (and no Vince – you don’t count – you just look stupid when you strut, like you have a carrot up your bum and the rest of you is put together with pins) who lived and would almost dance in the ring when was in the spotlight. Hi lived with true Latino passion, and lived out there for all to see – with his triumphs and tribulations.
It was clear that he loved his family (whatever else he did or did not do to and with them), and equally, his friends. It was clear from the highlight reel that he did have genuine friends, and is genuinely missed in his fraternity.
I think that if Vince did have anything to do with this decision, it is the first good one he has ever made.
Monday, March 27, 2006
okay, it's wrestling again...
yestery, I was watching the wresting. (Surprise, surprise). And I was the World Champion (John Cena, of course) list the Big Show (no small man at 500 pounds) over his head and slam him down giving him the advangtage, allowing him to pin him and win the match. According to the conversion tool on my cell phone that is a staggering 226 kilograms. That is amazing if you actually think about it. I do realise that John is a big man himself, and probably weighs 220, 230 pounds himself, but even so, that is staggering. He picked him up as if he weighed nothing. No veins popped out on his neck or anything. I am in awe of him. He is indeed worthy of holding on to his title.
Now normally, these types of matches are won by other means - cheating, trickery, kicking in rude places, but if you watch wrestling, you will know that John Cena is one of the good guys, and never stoops to doing anything of that sort. He is truly worthy of his followers, children and adults alike - the Chain Gang as they are known, and he is also (like Batista) one of the best proportioned wrestlers, looking normal, and therefore deceptively human. Perhaps this is why it was such a feat of superhuman strength when he picked up the Big Show and slammed him down, showing his mastery of the ring once again.
I know it surprised the commentators, but then - it really is an act, and all a show, but watching from the ramp was the Game (who used to be THE man, but has questionable ethics and moral values, and is known for cheating and double-teaming), and even he was visibly surprised and was clearly mouthing words which showed his surprise. Then what followed was the typical alpha male behaviour of "you and me at WrestleMania" crap etc, but we all know who will win.
Go John Go.
The Chain Gang will there to support you, and unless there is cheating, and sledge hammers hidden under the ring by the Game, you WILL win.
There are still heros out there for children to look up to, and I am glad. I just hope he does not do drugs on the sly...
Now normally, these types of matches are won by other means - cheating, trickery, kicking in rude places, but if you watch wrestling, you will know that John Cena is one of the good guys, and never stoops to doing anything of that sort. He is truly worthy of his followers, children and adults alike - the Chain Gang as they are known, and he is also (like Batista) one of the best proportioned wrestlers, looking normal, and therefore deceptively human. Perhaps this is why it was such a feat of superhuman strength when he picked up the Big Show and slammed him down, showing his mastery of the ring once again.
I know it surprised the commentators, but then - it really is an act, and all a show, but watching from the ramp was the Game (who used to be THE man, but has questionable ethics and moral values, and is known for cheating and double-teaming), and even he was visibly surprised and was clearly mouthing words which showed his surprise. Then what followed was the typical alpha male behaviour of "you and me at WrestleMania" crap etc, but we all know who will win.
Go John Go.
The Chain Gang will there to support you, and unless there is cheating, and sledge hammers hidden under the ring by the Game, you WILL win.
There are still heros out there for children to look up to, and I am glad. I just hope he does not do drugs on the sly...
Friday, March 17, 2006
when it's time, it's time
I joined a gym programme recently that allows me to have access to an eCoach - which basically means a guy phones me once a week to crap on me for not going to gym. He also works out a gym programme for me based on the info i enter into the system at the gym, and it works quite well so far.
Here's the interesting part - in our conversations over the last three or four weeks, he has picked up that there is a problem with my motivation, and he says that it seems like I am very stressed at work. (No prizes yet) He also says (and this is where it gets interesting,) that it seems like I am not very happy at work.
Now, I have not been indiscrete at all about work to him. To others, yes absolutely, but not to him. What I have said is that I have not had time to go to gym because I have not had the time or the inclination, and that even though I am stressed at work (which is perhaps all hte more reason to go to gym) I have not been. I have not been working long hours really, but have not made the time to go, but will do so.
That is about the sum of it.
He is either psychic or, just very intuitive, but this morning we had a long discussion around needing to be happy where you are, and he said that he felt I was not happy at work and that I needed to make a choice to speak up and make a change, or look elsewhere. He was very positive, and gave me a good pep talk about how to not be negative when talking to my boss or it may cause him to be defensive, but to rather tell him exactly how I feel and what I need, mentioning that if my boss was good he would understand and want a mutually beneficial relationtionship where we could both do well etc.
I am blown away. I did not realise how transparent i was being.
I guess I REALLY don't have a poker face - even on the phone.
Oh well, thanks Nceba, you have helped me realise that it really is time to decide for action NOW.
Even though I am depressed (and I can hear you sighing, but you can sigh all you want. I am where I am, and I need to walk my own path, and if depression is a lable I have - then so be it), I need to get up out of hte mire and move on.
Here's to next step. I just need help getting up...
Here's the interesting part - in our conversations over the last three or four weeks, he has picked up that there is a problem with my motivation, and he says that it seems like I am very stressed at work. (No prizes yet) He also says (and this is where it gets interesting,) that it seems like I am not very happy at work.
Now, I have not been indiscrete at all about work to him. To others, yes absolutely, but not to him. What I have said is that I have not had time to go to gym because I have not had the time or the inclination, and that even though I am stressed at work (which is perhaps all hte more reason to go to gym) I have not been. I have not been working long hours really, but have not made the time to go, but will do so.
That is about the sum of it.
He is either psychic or, just very intuitive, but this morning we had a long discussion around needing to be happy where you are, and he said that he felt I was not happy at work and that I needed to make a choice to speak up and make a change, or look elsewhere. He was very positive, and gave me a good pep talk about how to not be negative when talking to my boss or it may cause him to be defensive, but to rather tell him exactly how I feel and what I need, mentioning that if my boss was good he would understand and want a mutually beneficial relationtionship where we could both do well etc.
I am blown away. I did not realise how transparent i was being.
I guess I REALLY don't have a poker face - even on the phone.
Oh well, thanks Nceba, you have helped me realise that it really is time to decide for action NOW.
Even though I am depressed (and I can hear you sighing, but you can sigh all you want. I am where I am, and I need to walk my own path, and if depression is a lable I have - then so be it), I need to get up out of hte mire and move on.
Here's to next step. I just need help getting up...
Taxis and traffic
After a new resolution to not raise my blood pressure in the traffic every day, and not become a criminal by committing what the Americans call “vehicular manslaughter” by ramming cars off the road and killing the occupants, I shall simply confine myself to saying: “all taxis that push in should taken off the road, impounded, blown up, shattered into smithereens, ground into cement, and used to create children’s playthings”.
Then the drivers should be taken to a court of law where they should be re-educated on the rules of the road.
Once they have gone through training, they should be made to go through 1000 hours of simulated driving without committing one single traffic violation. After that, they should be made to serve another 1000 hours of community service helping the paramedics at accident scenes caused by other taxi drivers. Once they have done that, they should have to undergo another 1000 hours of simulated driving where they need to pass without committing any traffic offences.
Then, they should be made to pass a legal driving test, and then they may be allowed to drive.
Stupid F*ckers.
Then the drivers should be taken to a court of law where they should be re-educated on the rules of the road.
Once they have gone through training, they should be made to go through 1000 hours of simulated driving without committing one single traffic violation. After that, they should be made to serve another 1000 hours of community service helping the paramedics at accident scenes caused by other taxi drivers. Once they have done that, they should have to undergo another 1000 hours of simulated driving where they need to pass without committing any traffic offences.
Then, they should be made to pass a legal driving test, and then they may be allowed to drive.
Stupid F*ckers.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Who'da thunk it - Kurt Angle Zero to Hero in one move
In an unprecedented move, Kurt "you suck" Angle, often described as the "most technicallyl sound" wrestler of the WWE has become hte crowd favourite!
My flabber is ghasted.
In a bold move, the Phenom - that dead man that no-one can kill, not even the Legend Killer Randy Orton, told Kurt that he wanted the one thing that Kurt had - the WWE heavy weight title. Even Kurt looked a little scared, and for a cheating, mean, bully who breaks people's ankles for a living (okay, perhaps a little OTT), that is amazing.
But you must understand, Taker is 7 feet tall, and probably weighs 300 pounds. i am not sure of his stats, but he is a bloddy huge man. In fact, he makes Big Show look small, and when he fought Marc Henry - the "World's Largest Athlete" (which means in America) they looked like normal people standing next to each other.
Anyway, Taker had a match against Marc and when he was about to beat him, MNM came out and started cheating, as usual, double teaming him and cheating when the ref wasn't looking, giving Marc the advantage, when Kurt came running in and clobbered MNM, allowing Taker to finish off the trio and win the match.
Now, we all know that Kurt did thi to get back at MNM AND Marc (if you watch you will know the history), but it seems like a move that Batista would have made - saving the innocent and coming to the rescue of the rightful winner. The audience went mad with applause and Kurt - in an instant - became the hero.
I've never liked Kurt because I think he is mean, and does not give as much as hte other wrestlers, but in that moment, whoever writes the script and does the PR, made a monumentally right move. Somehow, it was just the right thing to shoot him from last place to first, even eclipsing the Undertaker who gave him back his title belt and continued to look truculent.
I still don't understand why people don't enjoy wrestling. It is SO much better than a soapie...
My flabber is ghasted.
In a bold move, the Phenom - that dead man that no-one can kill, not even the Legend Killer Randy Orton, told Kurt that he wanted the one thing that Kurt had - the WWE heavy weight title. Even Kurt looked a little scared, and for a cheating, mean, bully who breaks people's ankles for a living (okay, perhaps a little OTT), that is amazing.
But you must understand, Taker is 7 feet tall, and probably weighs 300 pounds. i am not sure of his stats, but he is a bloddy huge man. In fact, he makes Big Show look small, and when he fought Marc Henry - the "World's Largest Athlete" (which means in America) they looked like normal people standing next to each other.
Anyway, Taker had a match against Marc and when he was about to beat him, MNM came out and started cheating, as usual, double teaming him and cheating when the ref wasn't looking, giving Marc the advantage, when Kurt came running in and clobbered MNM, allowing Taker to finish off the trio and win the match.
Now, we all know that Kurt did thi to get back at MNM AND Marc (if you watch you will know the history), but it seems like a move that Batista would have made - saving the innocent and coming to the rescue of the rightful winner. The audience went mad with applause and Kurt - in an instant - became the hero.
I've never liked Kurt because I think he is mean, and does not give as much as hte other wrestlers, but in that moment, whoever writes the script and does the PR, made a monumentally right move. Somehow, it was just the right thing to shoot him from last place to first, even eclipsing the Undertaker who gave him back his title belt and continued to look truculent.
I still don't understand why people don't enjoy wrestling. It is SO much better than a soapie...
Friday, February 24, 2006
Telkom strikes again, again!
Well, my phone was fixed, for a few hours, then broke again. I asked my Mom to report it, because (surprise, surprise) I have no line with which to do that, and even though it is a free number, if you call from a mobile phone y ou are charged. Also, becauyse it is a free call (supposedly) you are on hold for at least 5 minutes.
Long story short, the lady to whom my Mother spoke was so brazen as to instruct my mother to tell me that I should upgrade my service to whatever the hell she was selling.
How rude!
Long story short, the lady to whom my Mother spoke was so brazen as to instruct my mother to tell me that I should upgrade my service to whatever the hell she was selling.
How rude!
Stupid Americans!
I was watching an Oprah show where a 911 widow – Kathy Trant was defending her spending the $5m she was given as part of her settlement for the victim’s fund. Apparently, there has been a huge outcry that she has spent her money which has come from the government and various charitable donations on redoing her house - $250 000 on her kitchen, $120 000 on the pool, sports centre thingy, brickwork, and fence in the back yard, and at least one million on designer shoes, handbags, and dresses.
More power to her I say. If that is how she grieves, then let her do whatever she wants. Surely EVEN the Americans cannot be so arrogant that they believe they can tell people how to spend money they give each other?
Anyway.
Listening to her speak, I began to realise again, and still more how I just don’t understand how this event has had such a powerful effect on the psyche of America. She kept on saying that 3000 people were “brutally murdered” that day, and that their country did not protect them, and that they don’t even have a memorial. Blah blah fishpaste.
What I can’t reconcile is that 1000s of people die in African countries every day. Blown up by landmines, killed in ethnic cleansing, and even in our own ugly past, as South Africans…
And what about the Nazi holocaust? There are still people who refuse to believe it happened. What about the tens of thousands pf people who died there? What about the mass graves they have just found in Ethiopia? What about the Tsunami, and the flooding in the south of America? What about their own victims there?
But of course, this 911 crisis, (5 years later!) is still the main story on the lips of several Americans.
Maybe I am being mean and un-empathetic, but I fail to see why the Americans are so special that they are the only ones in the whole world that ever lost a husband / brother / father / mother / sister / daughter; and Oh woe is my, I will never be able to get over losing a loved one, and the rest of the world must somehow allow them to wallow in pity and grief.
I have never been a fan of America, and am even less of one now.
Uncle Sam wants YOU to take some responsibility for yourself you stupid rednecks! Get over it, get on with it, and leave everyone else alone.
And stop using 911 as an excuse to bully everyone. Learn from out history. Making something a law doesn’t make it right.
More power to her I say. If that is how she grieves, then let her do whatever she wants. Surely EVEN the Americans cannot be so arrogant that they believe they can tell people how to spend money they give each other?
Anyway.
Listening to her speak, I began to realise again, and still more how I just don’t understand how this event has had such a powerful effect on the psyche of America. She kept on saying that 3000 people were “brutally murdered” that day, and that their country did not protect them, and that they don’t even have a memorial. Blah blah fishpaste.
What I can’t reconcile is that 1000s of people die in African countries every day. Blown up by landmines, killed in ethnic cleansing, and even in our own ugly past, as South Africans…
And what about the Nazi holocaust? There are still people who refuse to believe it happened. What about the tens of thousands pf people who died there? What about the mass graves they have just found in Ethiopia? What about the Tsunami, and the flooding in the south of America? What about their own victims there?
But of course, this 911 crisis, (5 years later!) is still the main story on the lips of several Americans.
Maybe I am being mean and un-empathetic, but I fail to see why the Americans are so special that they are the only ones in the whole world that ever lost a husband / brother / father / mother / sister / daughter; and Oh woe is my, I will never be able to get over losing a loved one, and the rest of the world must somehow allow them to wallow in pity and grief.
I have never been a fan of America, and am even less of one now.
Uncle Sam wants YOU to take some responsibility for yourself you stupid rednecks! Get over it, get on with it, and leave everyone else alone.
And stop using 911 as an excuse to bully everyone. Learn from out history. Making something a law doesn’t make it right.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Telkom strikes again!
So my landline was not working on Saturday, and I tried to report it as a faulty line, but when I called the offices, the woman I spoke to said she could not report it as they had a fault on their line, and their system was down.
Ha ha.
But I should call again later and report it. Yeah, right.
I tried again a few hours later - still no joy, but at least this time the person took my name.
I called again this morning (2 days later) and spoke to a man whose name I shall not place here in order to protect his identity. I said to him "Hi, I would like to report my phone - the line seems to be faulty - it is not working".
He said "what is wrong with it?" Okay, now either he is not listening, or he is just trying to annoy me. All I know is that the phone is not working. I explaind that again using small words, speaking slowly and without getting annoyed, although by this time I was already irritated.
Then, the next thing he does is try to sell me additional services. I am not even joking.
I politely told him I was not interested, and just asked him when he thought technicians would be ale to fix my line. He replied I had to test it with at least two phones or he could not send someone out because then they could not be sure if it was the phone or the instrument. I explained that I had tried with my computer and modem to dial and it was not working. He said I had to test it with two instruments. I tried to explain that I had done that. AFter about 10 minutes of arguing, he said they would charge me for a call out if the line was not faulty and they came anyway (by this time - I don't care if they take my first born...) so I anwer - that's fine mumble mumble.
He says please will I wait while he tests the line...
"Yes, Miss Goodwin", (clearly cannot read too well either) there is definatly a fault on your line (so why the *^%^&$ can't he do this before arguing with me causing my blood pressure to go up?). Is there permanentmy someone at your home?"
Long story short, due to the rain and whatever else, (probably also the fact that I gave him attitude)my name is on a list (maybe at the bottom for a few days, sigh) and someone will call me when they are ready to help me.
I bet that in a few weeks, a man will call from my house and ask where I am. I did clearly state that I am at work and they need to let me know when I must go home to wait for them, but they never do.
Watch this space.
Ha ha.
But I should call again later and report it. Yeah, right.
I tried again a few hours later - still no joy, but at least this time the person took my name.
I called again this morning (2 days later) and spoke to a man whose name I shall not place here in order to protect his identity. I said to him "Hi, I would like to report my phone - the line seems to be faulty - it is not working".
He said "what is wrong with it?" Okay, now either he is not listening, or he is just trying to annoy me. All I know is that the phone is not working. I explaind that again using small words, speaking slowly and without getting annoyed, although by this time I was already irritated.
Then, the next thing he does is try to sell me additional services. I am not even joking.
I politely told him I was not interested, and just asked him when he thought technicians would be ale to fix my line. He replied I had to test it with at least two phones or he could not send someone out because then they could not be sure if it was the phone or the instrument. I explained that I had tried with my computer and modem to dial and it was not working. He said I had to test it with two instruments. I tried to explain that I had done that. AFter about 10 minutes of arguing, he said they would charge me for a call out if the line was not faulty and they came anyway (by this time - I don't care if they take my first born...) so I anwer - that's fine mumble mumble.
He says please will I wait while he tests the line...
"Yes, Miss Goodwin", (clearly cannot read too well either) there is definatly a fault on your line (so why the *^%^&$ can't he do this before arguing with me causing my blood pressure to go up?). Is there permanentmy someone at your home?"
Long story short, due to the rain and whatever else, (probably also the fact that I gave him attitude)my name is on a list (maybe at the bottom for a few days, sigh) and someone will call me when they are ready to help me.
I bet that in a few weeks, a man will call from my house and ask where I am. I did clearly state that I am at work and they need to let me know when I must go home to wait for them, but they never do.
Watch this space.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Cars, anyone?
Yesterday was a good day to steal cars. Apparently. That is, if you had a Tracker fitted that used the Vodacom network to track the vehicle.
Of course, I don’t know if this is true, but I received a message yesterday saying that my tracker self test had failed and that I needed to call the office and report the fact. Being a geek, I did. They told me that I needed to wait another 72 hours so they could do an air test, but not to worry as last nigh all the self-tests failed as there was a problem on the network.
Not sure if they should have told me that. Or that they should have told me that it can be a problem if there is a problem with the network. Hmmmm.
Oh well, luckily, I won’t try blow up the network and steal cars. Or would I?
Of course, I don’t know if this is true, but I received a message yesterday saying that my tracker self test had failed and that I needed to call the office and report the fact. Being a geek, I did. They told me that I needed to wait another 72 hours so they could do an air test, but not to worry as last nigh all the self-tests failed as there was a problem on the network.
Not sure if they should have told me that. Or that they should have told me that it can be a problem if there is a problem with the network. Hmmmm.
Oh well, luckily, I won’t try blow up the network and steal cars. Or would I?
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Manners? what the hell are those?
I have decided that I am now officially old. I can remember a time when Chappies Bubblegum was half a cent for one. Now they are 25 cents for one. Talk about inflation. Et cetera.
But what about manners?
I know that no family actually sits down at a dinner table anymore for a family meal to talk about their day, or eats with silver cutlery. Never mind using more than one knife and fork for starters, fish, and desert... What? Mommy, this knife is broken. It is a strange shape. And why is this fork more like a spoon? People now days don't recognise different cutlery or even know what it is used for. And what about standing back at doors or giving up seats for old people?
I have realised that manners have gone the way of the Dodo. That is to say - they are not only dead, but extinct with absolutely NO CHANCE of coming back. Not even with heroic measures and gene therapy, or finding little blobs of it left in amber and creating islands where it can mutate.
Manners are gone. If I hold a door for people they not only strean through and ignore me, but hordes of others stream through after them. I have now taken to proclaiming in a loud voice "it is a pleasure", followed by a sotto vocce "you ignorant plebs" or (depending on my mood) something that would require an age restiction. And doors are not the only place this happens. In supermarkets, if you stand back for people in the aisles, they will push their trolleys in front of you and stand there blocking your view of the produce, and then proceed to look at their lists, talk on the phone, pick their noses, or do just about anything else they can think of to be annoying.
I don't know if people are rude or just stupid. Juding by the way they drive out of hte parking lot, I'd say the latter, but that is another story for another time.
Here's to the few gentlemen there are left - that hold the doors for me, and are surprised when I thank them. You are my heros. If you weren't married, I'd ask you myself.
But what about manners?
I know that no family actually sits down at a dinner table anymore for a family meal to talk about their day, or eats with silver cutlery. Never mind using more than one knife and fork for starters, fish, and desert... What? Mommy, this knife is broken. It is a strange shape. And why is this fork more like a spoon? People now days don't recognise different cutlery or even know what it is used for. And what about standing back at doors or giving up seats for old people?
I have realised that manners have gone the way of the Dodo. That is to say - they are not only dead, but extinct with absolutely NO CHANCE of coming back. Not even with heroic measures and gene therapy, or finding little blobs of it left in amber and creating islands where it can mutate.
Manners are gone. If I hold a door for people they not only strean through and ignore me, but hordes of others stream through after them. I have now taken to proclaiming in a loud voice "it is a pleasure", followed by a sotto vocce "you ignorant plebs" or (depending on my mood) something that would require an age restiction. And doors are not the only place this happens. In supermarkets, if you stand back for people in the aisles, they will push their trolleys in front of you and stand there blocking your view of the produce, and then proceed to look at their lists, talk on the phone, pick their noses, or do just about anything else they can think of to be annoying.
I don't know if people are rude or just stupid. Juding by the way they drive out of hte parking lot, I'd say the latter, but that is another story for another time.
Here's to the few gentlemen there are left - that hold the doors for me, and are surprised when I thank them. You are my heros. If you weren't married, I'd ask you myself.
Friday, February 03, 2006
million-dollar body - five cent brain -- supported by Deloitte!
Okay - I admit it. I am a big fan of wrestling. Huge. Not that local crap either, but the real thing - the WWE RAW, Smackdown, and Velocity, although until the draft lottery last year, my all time fav was RAW.
My best characters (and yes - they are characters, because it is NOT real) are John Cena, Dave "the animal" Batista, and Chris "toothless agression" Benoit. There are a few others, but these three are my all-time best. They are the "gentlemen" of hte sport - if there are such things in that game.
A few notable events have occured lately - not the least of which was the untimely death of Latino Heat - Eddie Guererro, may he finally find some peace, the back and forth beween Lita, Kane, Matt, and Edge (what an idiot!), and that thing with the boggeyman and the worms down that chicks pants. WHATEVER!
But I digress.
Out coverage is between one and two months behind the states, and this week, Batista announced he was stepping down as the World Heavyweight Champion as he had to undergo surgery after an unprovoked and unsportsman-like attack which left him wounded. Now, if you have seen this 6 foot 2 inch, giant, you will know that it is NOT easy to hurt him. He was attacked by two cretins, but that is part of the game, and I guess he knows that. Anyway, he handed in his title to Smackdown general manager Teddy Long who announced that there would be an Over the Top Rope Battle Royal to determine the next Champion, and to cut a long story short - the ugliest, meanest, cheatingest man in the whole of hte WWE won. Kurt Angle (who isn't even from Smackdown - he is from RAW) won the match, and walked off with the title. At least he suffered a bit to win.
Again, I am digressing.
The point of this story is that when Dave announced his stepping down, the camera panned from an angle it does not usually show, and I noticed a company banner - Deloitte.
I work there. I know we spount all this crap about work-life balance and ebracing diversity, but who knew that Deloitte would want to be associated with a show such as this? That evening in Philly - when Dave (who by the way has described himself as having a million dollar body and a five cent brain)announed he was stepping down. I have gained a bit more respect for my company upon seeing that. I guess I could dig really deep and say I learned we should strive to be the best - to do the best with what we have, and support excellence everywhere we find it.
Or i could just agree that someone else enjoys watching these world-class sportsmen bash the heck out of each other.
My money is on the latter.
Dave - be back soon, and power bomb the (&^$#@ out of Kurt to get back your title.
My best characters (and yes - they are characters, because it is NOT real) are John Cena, Dave "the animal" Batista, and Chris "toothless agression" Benoit. There are a few others, but these three are my all-time best. They are the "gentlemen" of hte sport - if there are such things in that game.
A few notable events have occured lately - not the least of which was the untimely death of Latino Heat - Eddie Guererro, may he finally find some peace, the back and forth beween Lita, Kane, Matt, and Edge (what an idiot!), and that thing with the boggeyman and the worms down that chicks pants. WHATEVER!
But I digress.
Out coverage is between one and two months behind the states, and this week, Batista announced he was stepping down as the World Heavyweight Champion as he had to undergo surgery after an unprovoked and unsportsman-like attack which left him wounded. Now, if you have seen this 6 foot 2 inch, giant, you will know that it is NOT easy to hurt him. He was attacked by two cretins, but that is part of the game, and I guess he knows that. Anyway, he handed in his title to Smackdown general manager Teddy Long who announced that there would be an Over the Top Rope Battle Royal to determine the next Champion, and to cut a long story short - the ugliest, meanest, cheatingest man in the whole of hte WWE won. Kurt Angle (who isn't even from Smackdown - he is from RAW) won the match, and walked off with the title. At least he suffered a bit to win.
Again, I am digressing.
The point of this story is that when Dave announced his stepping down, the camera panned from an angle it does not usually show, and I noticed a company banner - Deloitte.
I work there. I know we spount all this crap about work-life balance and ebracing diversity, but who knew that Deloitte would want to be associated with a show such as this? That evening in Philly - when Dave (who by the way has described himself as having a million dollar body and a five cent brain)announed he was stepping down. I have gained a bit more respect for my company upon seeing that. I guess I could dig really deep and say I learned we should strive to be the best - to do the best with what we have, and support excellence everywhere we find it.
Or i could just agree that someone else enjoys watching these world-class sportsmen bash the heck out of each other.
My money is on the latter.
Dave - be back soon, and power bomb the (&^$#@ out of Kurt to get back your title.
Monday, January 30, 2006
the dreaded Moriarty
It is local election time again. Again. Notwithstanding the people's struggle to vote, it seems ironic that there are so many other concerns consider when "making your mark" on the paper to show your choice, and perhaps this is the cause of the great apathy which concerns the government. All the parties campaign by blackening (har har) each other's names, and with slander and "proof" of corruption, clever adverts, and unethical plays on fears or sympathy, but this year, there is something different. I have spotted some humour. I am certain it is unintentional, however funny it is. Today on my way in to work, I nearly drove off the road with laughter upon seeing the grinning face of a local party's candidate proudly proclaiming "vote Moriarty as local Mayor".
After all, everyone knows he escaped in a time machine to get away from Sherlock Holmes, and is clearly at large here to do his worst.
Let the voting begin...
After all, everyone knows he escaped in a time machine to get away from Sherlock Holmes, and is clearly at large here to do his worst.
Let the voting begin...
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Christmas Freebies
I may have inadvertently discovered the actual origin of the word “freebie”. Perhaps etymology professors all around the world will disagree, quoting tomes of intellectual knowledge to prove me wrong; but in that true and scientifically proven method of empirical proof, I offer the following as my thesis as follows:
I gave my Mother a Lavender plant for Christmas, and when I handed it to her, she asked me what was buzzing. I was confused for a moment, wondering what from my house could have fallen into the gift bag, turned itself on, and started buzzing as she held it. A fleeting catalogue revealed no such item, except for an Acme hand buzzer (still their greatest seller, according to Marvin Acme [okay, yes, I have just finished watching Who framed Roger Rabbit]). Even by suspending my disbelief (which is necessary for unbiased scientific observation, this was most unlikely. Therefore, by applying Ockham’s razor, or perhaps by reciting the maxim of that most excellent fellow – Sherlock Holmes - "that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth." I knew that I was on the right track.
Or maybe, I just got lucky.
Either way, I realised, it was a bee – probably a stowaway from the Lavender bushes at my house. (But don’t worry, I won’t regale you with more info on that score …)
I immediately took the offending buzzer outside, and removed gift bag which was around the plastic bag which around the plant bag – thereby releasing the angry bee. I had put the plant bag in a plastic bag to keep the water from the plant bag from affecting the paper of the gift bag, and causing it to deteriate (sic) and plummet to the ground, spraying mud, sand, and bits of Lavender all over my Mother’s carpet just at the most inopportune time; such as you may see in a re-run of a Roger Rabbit short.
But I have not told you the best bit. As the buzzer started, my Mother first asked me what it was, and once we had figured out that it was not a battery-powered item, she immediately shouted – “Hey! It’s a freebie!” And there you have it.
That’s all folks!
Ps – here is a joke.
Comic 1: what do you know about show business?
Comic 2: only that there’s no business like it. No business I know…
I gave my Mother a Lavender plant for Christmas, and when I handed it to her, she asked me what was buzzing. I was confused for a moment, wondering what from my house could have fallen into the gift bag, turned itself on, and started buzzing as she held it. A fleeting catalogue revealed no such item, except for an Acme hand buzzer (still their greatest seller, according to Marvin Acme [okay, yes, I have just finished watching Who framed Roger Rabbit]). Even by suspending my disbelief (which is necessary for unbiased scientific observation, this was most unlikely. Therefore, by applying Ockham’s razor, or perhaps by reciting the maxim of that most excellent fellow – Sherlock Holmes - "that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth." I knew that I was on the right track.
Or maybe, I just got lucky.
Either way, I realised, it was a bee – probably a stowaway from the Lavender bushes at my house. (But don’t worry, I won’t regale you with more info on that score …)
I immediately took the offending buzzer outside, and removed gift bag which was around the plastic bag which around the plant bag – thereby releasing the angry bee. I had put the plant bag in a plastic bag to keep the water from the plant bag from affecting the paper of the gift bag, and causing it to deteriate (sic) and plummet to the ground, spraying mud, sand, and bits of Lavender all over my Mother’s carpet just at the most inopportune time; such as you may see in a re-run of a Roger Rabbit short.
But I have not told you the best bit. As the buzzer started, my Mother first asked me what it was, and once we had figured out that it was not a battery-powered item, she immediately shouted – “Hey! It’s a freebie!” And there you have it.
That’s all folks!
Ps – here is a joke.
Comic 1: what do you know about show business?
Comic 2: only that there’s no business like it. No business I know…
Friday, October 14, 2005
What’s the difference between broccoli and snot?
I carry a Dictaphone in my car so that when brilliant ideas occur to me I can capture them immediately so they do not escape. This ultimately means two things – when I listen to them – they are not so brilliant although they do capture something of a thought process that often leads me down inspiring and creative thought paths, and it also means that when I listen to them I often laugh out loud at what I was thinking at any given time.
Case in point:
One of the client sites I am currently working at takes me about one and a half hours of driving in peak hour traffic. As you can imagine, this gives me plenty of time to watch people in their cars, and come up with more of my brilliant ideas, plan strategies for work challenges, and generally amuse myself at other people’s expense.
About 2 weeks ago, there was a man in front of me in a large, expensive German car that was cleaning his ears out. For at least 20 minutes. I timed him. I could see no evidence of any tissues or a hanky either.
I tried to look away, really I did, but I had to watch the traffic in front of me, and besides, it was like a mesmerising hypnotic thing from which I could not tear my gaze.
He then went on to picking things in his face – presumably pimples. Again – no tissues – just his trousers. And, I should mention, it was with both hands.
Then, to my absolute disgust, he looked up his nose in the rear-view mirror and started picking. I also timed this. Another 20 minutes.
What the hell type of crop can you have going on up there that takes 20 minutes to dig out? And then to top it all off, he started smoothing his hair down. News flash – snot hair is not the thing! Never has been, never will be!
Imagine you have a meeting with this man. He gets out of his car, and strolls up to your office. Shakes your hand, transferring ear wax, pimple goo, and snot. OMG!
Then he committed the ultimate crime. He ate his snot.
Now the joke used to be “what’s the difference between broccoli and snot?”
“Children won’t eat broccoli”
I guess adults won’t eat broccoli either.
After about an hour of this unhygienic adjustment, he looked over the car next to him, and seemed to twig that there was a car next to him, and stopped what he was doing for about 5 minutes, but then carried on.
If the traffic had come to a standstill, I would have issued him with a ticket from the snot police. He definitely wins the Pukeworthy Punk of the day award.
Eeeeeuuuuuuuw is all I have to say about that.
Case in point:
One of the client sites I am currently working at takes me about one and a half hours of driving in peak hour traffic. As you can imagine, this gives me plenty of time to watch people in their cars, and come up with more of my brilliant ideas, plan strategies for work challenges, and generally amuse myself at other people’s expense.
About 2 weeks ago, there was a man in front of me in a large, expensive German car that was cleaning his ears out. For at least 20 minutes. I timed him. I could see no evidence of any tissues or a hanky either.
I tried to look away, really I did, but I had to watch the traffic in front of me, and besides, it was like a mesmerising hypnotic thing from which I could not tear my gaze.
He then went on to picking things in his face – presumably pimples. Again – no tissues – just his trousers. And, I should mention, it was with both hands.
Then, to my absolute disgust, he looked up his nose in the rear-view mirror and started picking. I also timed this. Another 20 minutes.
What the hell type of crop can you have going on up there that takes 20 minutes to dig out? And then to top it all off, he started smoothing his hair down. News flash – snot hair is not the thing! Never has been, never will be!
Imagine you have a meeting with this man. He gets out of his car, and strolls up to your office. Shakes your hand, transferring ear wax, pimple goo, and snot. OMG!
Then he committed the ultimate crime. He ate his snot.
Now the joke used to be “what’s the difference between broccoli and snot?”
“Children won’t eat broccoli”
I guess adults won’t eat broccoli either.
After about an hour of this unhygienic adjustment, he looked over the car next to him, and seemed to twig that there was a car next to him, and stopped what he was doing for about 5 minutes, but then carried on.
If the traffic had come to a standstill, I would have issued him with a ticket from the snot police. He definitely wins the Pukeworthy Punk of the day award.
Eeeeeuuuuuuuw is all I have to say about that.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Which part of NO is unclear?
Long story short, my super ears, or superiors (as they prefer to be described) asked be to take on a whole lot more work. I politely declined, stating objective reasons including realistic time frames, actual time lines, hours of work required to complete tasks, etc, and explaining my current work load as well. Two comapy parntners (very high people on the totem pole) agreed that I could not do justice to the tasks, and we agreed that this was not a viable option.
I met with my counsellor (essentially my yoda or performance mentor as is the structure in our comapny) to help me with a structure for the work I currently have (which was too much before they asked me to take on the more they asked me to), and he again said I had to take on the work that I had got agreement that I did not have to do.
Now, I am not confused - three partners (for whom I am doing work, and to whom I directly report) agree that I do not have to do this work, but a manager within my service line says that I have to do it.
I called him again today to say I wasn't able to do it due to blah blah fishpaste objective factual time reasons, and he just said I have to.
I am truly at a loss of what to do.
How do you argue with a person who doesn't listen to you and won't hear you say no?
I met with my counsellor (essentially my yoda or performance mentor as is the structure in our comapny) to help me with a structure for the work I currently have (which was too much before they asked me to take on the more they asked me to), and he again said I had to take on the work that I had got agreement that I did not have to do.
Now, I am not confused - three partners (for whom I am doing work, and to whom I directly report) agree that I do not have to do this work, but a manager within my service line says that I have to do it.
I called him again today to say I wasn't able to do it due to blah blah fishpaste objective factual time reasons, and he just said I have to.
I am truly at a loss of what to do.
How do you argue with a person who doesn't listen to you and won't hear you say no?
Fank you to meet you!
I do understand that we are a multi-lingual society, and that signs will have to be translated into various languages. I don't have a problem with that. Nor do I have a problem with people who are not mother-tongue speakers making mistakes. I take my hat off to them for speaking a language other than their own (except for news readers - they should be mother tongue speakers). But surely we have enough resources to have people check signs before we post them all over the show?
Here is the latest in a long line of clearly direc translations:
Clock to enter. (Directly translated from the Afrikaans - knock to enter!)
Watch this space for more.
Here is the latest in a long line of clearly direc translations:
Clock to enter. (Directly translated from the Afrikaans - knock to enter!)
Watch this space for more.
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