What’s the difference between broccoli and snot?

I carry a Dictaphone in my car so that when brilliant ideas occur to me I can capture them immediately so they do not escape. This ultimately means two things – when I listen to them – they are not so brilliant although they do capture something of a thought process that often leads me down inspiring and creative thought paths, and it also means that when I listen to them I often laugh out loud at what I was thinking at any given time.

Case in point:
One of the client sites I am currently working at takes me about one and a half hours of driving in peak hour traffic. As you can imagine, this gives me plenty of time to watch people in their cars, and come up with more of my brilliant ideas, plan strategies for work challenges, and generally amuse myself at other people’s expense.

About 2 weeks ago, there was a man in front of me in a large, expensive German car that was cleaning his ears out. For at least 20 minutes. I timed him. I could see no evidence of any tissues or a hanky either.

I tried to look away, really I did, but I had to watch the traffic in front of me, and besides, it was like a mesmerising hypnotic thing from which I could not tear my gaze.

He then went on to picking things in his face – presumably pimples. Again – no tissues – just his trousers. And, I should mention, it was with both hands.

Then, to my absolute disgust, he looked up his nose in the rear-view mirror and started picking. I also timed this. Another 20 minutes.

What the hell type of crop can you have going on up there that takes 20 minutes to dig out? And then to top it all off, he started smoothing his hair down. News flash – snot hair is not the thing! Never has been, never will be!

Imagine you have a meeting with this man. He gets out of his car, and strolls up to your office. Shakes your hand, transferring ear wax, pimple goo, and snot. OMG!

Then he committed the ultimate crime. He ate his snot.

Now the joke used to be “what’s the difference between broccoli and snot?”
“Children won’t eat broccoli”

I guess adults won’t eat broccoli either.

After about an hour of this unhygienic adjustment, he looked over the car next to him, and seemed to twig that there was a car next to him, and stopped what he was doing for about 5 minutes, but then carried on.

If the traffic had come to a standstill, I would have issued him with a ticket from the snot police. He definitely wins the Pukeworthy Punk of the day award.

Eeeeeuuuuuuuw is all I have to say about that.