someone else's waxing experience!

I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A HOOT

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on.........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.

I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.

'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,’ Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I’m going to need post-Traumatic Stress counselling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!!

It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off.

Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair colour... ¶

Sheep or people?

It always happens. Everytime I park, or am at a sale, or in fact anywhere, I try to stay away from the crowd. Without fail, they follow. It is as if they can't bear to be on their own, or perhaps that they can't bear to see someone not being engulfed by the madd(en)ing crowd.

If I find a few empty parking spaces even if they are far away from the shops, I park there simply because even having cars next to mine kinda makes me feel a bit claustrophobic. There can be rows and rows of empty spots, but five'll get you ten everytime if you bet that all the cars will be grouped around mine when I come out. Why?

Again, at sales - be it the Exclusive sale that is on, or the Edgars sale, or any other kind of sale, I always start away from the others so that I don't have to elbow my way through, or be elbowed. I like to take my time, and think about things. Everytime they see me, they quickly come over and start grabbing stuff around me inc ase I will get something better than they have over there. So I move to where they were, and the chase begins. They simply can't let me stay on my own, and it makes me crazy.

It is for this very reason that I don't do sales anymore.

People with that "group" mentality really suck. LEAVE ME ALONE already...

food versus cell phones

I was stopped by a very paraat traffic officer the other day for holding my cell phone and my steering wheel in the same hand - I was speaking on speaker, as I had left my walk and talk at home. He motioned for me wind down my window and shouted at me that he wanted to fine me so I should pull over.

I asked politely why? I said I was using the speaker and was not holding the phone to my ear. He was adamant that "one person may not hold their cell phone whilst driving their vehicle".

We waited at the robot to turn, and he didn't want to wait, so just shook his finger at me and drive off.

But here's the question - I have never been stopped by a cop for eating food, or drinking a can of Coke, etc. And yes, they have seen me do it often. I have even gone through road blocks eating while driving.

go figure...

Taxis and no brains take away commuter's rights to choose

The fucking taxis have really done it this time...

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=13&art_id=vn20090605061132380C414547

I seriously can't even believe it...

Rules to live by, not only blog by...

Food Blogger Code of Ethics: Food Blogger Code of Ethics

Marmite or Bovril?

This evening as I was riding home, I decided to stop in at the shops to get one or two things for dinner.

The Woolies near me makes the best crispy roles, and I suddenly felt like roles with cheese and Bovril. Roles - check. Cheese - check. Bovril? Nope. Only about 10 million disgusting bottles of Marmite...

As they say in Malaysia: "how can?" I was devastated. How can the manager allow such a travesty? :(

Frustration

I found this somewhere, can't remember where, but thought it was amusing...

Movie Review – Star Trek (2009)

I went to see Star Trek last night, and I have to say it was an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING movie. It lived up to all expectations, and was lots and lots of fun.

As you may expect, it was action-packed, had lots of special effects, had the usual suspects in terms of the names you know (although much younger so it was not the original cast), but it also had links back to original series which only aficionados would catch. You see a lot of things revisited such as the Kobiyashi Maru test (spelling), one or two of Spock’s famous lines referring back to when he lost his memory which is ironically used, and a few other little things that will amuse you. It also has a very clever twist making it not the usual prequel.

The casting is particularly good, with Bones being particularly well cast in my opinion. He must have studied the mannerisms and speech affectations and intonations a lot in order to match it so well, and Spock is also very well cast in terms of looks. Jim is perhaps the least well cast in my opinion, but you can see why based on the “new” turn of events that occurs. If you watch the movie you will understand what I mean.

Having said all that, for those who are not Trekkies, this movie will also engross and thrill, having a particularly bad guy, lots of fights, and some spectacular special effects. Not like in the original TV series where you can see the fishing line holding up the monsters, this movie is great, and I highly recommend it to everyone.

Oh, and I forgot the most important thing - a cameo by the original Spock himself. WOOHOO!

ha ha ha

Africa is not for sissies

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?from=rss_News&set_id=1&click_id=79&art_id=nw20090506111733528C217165

slowly the wheel is turning...

another milestone

I have now done 9058 kilometres on my bike since December last year.

WOOHOO!!!

and again more

yet more canopy tour

more canopy tour

Canopy Tour

I have just recently got back from an 8 day bike trip down to the Tsitsikamma forest. All in all, we rode about 4 113 kilometres all in.

It was freezing in the moutnain passes, and even with a spencer, a long sleeve t-shirt, a fleece, by jacket inner, the jacket and a rain suit; I was cold. At one stage I was so cold that I could not apply the brakes to stop with the rest of the group. My hands just didn't work they were so cold.

I will write a longer spiel later, but here are some of the photos:

Bumper stickers

Today I saw a bumper sticker that read: "Real men follow Jesus". I began to mull this over in my mind.

Where are the bumper stickers that read: "Real men don't abuse women"?????

They can dish it out, but they can't take it

Stupid telehone sales people...

I always try to be polite to them - after all, they are only doing their job. But today I got a call from YET another cell phone person wanting to sell me another contract for whatever freephone is the latest thing. He asked me if I was the contract holder. I said "It depends. Why are you asking?" The response was about 10 seconds of silence, then he hung up.

Fucker.

Milestone

I got my bike on the 20th of December 2008. offially read something like 12 kms. Today, on the way to a client meeting I clicked over 4000. Not bad for 3 months and 10 days!!!

WOOHOO

another weekend ride with small furry animals

Today I went for a ride out to Harties with a friend.

We started at Linex Yamaha as the meeting place. There were originally going to be 5 of us on the ride, but one bailed due the weather channel saying it was going to rain today and the other two said they had gone on a long ride the day before, so weren't going to make it.

So just the two of us set off along the R512. We went over the dam, and round to the tunnel, where we stopped at Catalinos for breakfast. While we were riding over the dam wall, a brown heron type of bird almost flew into me. I am glad I didn't hit it.

I had the Bambino breakfast which is one fried egg, two rashers of bacon, a piece of toast, and a grilled tomato. My friend had a pizza. The food was great. While we were sitting minding our own business, as one does, I saw either a large mouse or a small rat tun across the floor towards the kitchen!!! OMG!!! Then I looked outside and noticed that there were at least 20 chickens running around in the parking lot. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. We could also hear the monkeys from across the road screaming. Quite an experience I have to say.

It is a very popular place with bikers and there must have been 25 bikes in the parking lot. They were very beautiful, but I still preferr mine. :)

It is also interesting to note that we saw many many bikers on the run, but hardly any waved or nodded back.

After that we went back the long way to Linex and looked at the new 2009 R1. Very nice, but it costs about 189k.

'Crime does pay'

'Crime does pay'
http://www.news24.com/News24/MyNews24/Your_story/0,,2-2127-2128_2482960,00.html
10/03/2009 14:07 - (SA)

Adrian C, News24 User

I am writing this letter to all South Africans, especially those who feel they work really hard and do not achieve the financial goals they set for themselves.

Fellow citizens, take heart! I have found the answer for your worries. And the best of all: it is easy and it works! It can be summarised in one easy phrase: "Crime does pay".

Let me explain this statement at the hand of a little example. My wife was the victim of a smash-and-grab a few weeks ago. A pretend-beggar walked between the cars at the off ramp, asking for money and when the light turned green he smashed the window, put half his body into the car and grabbed the handbag.

After this, my traumatised pregnant wife did everything right: she drove off, we immediately cancelled all bank cards, opened a case at the SAPS, had the window fixed and got a temporary driver's licence.

It is funny how I always felt sorry for the beggars at intersections and even sometimes gave them money or food. My initial reaction, after the relief that my wife was OK, was that I felt sorry for this poor guy that he had to steal to make a living, and I hoped that he would be able to buy some food or whatever else he desperately needed with the cash that was in my wife's handbag.

Smart crooks

But these guys are much smarter than us. We always thought we had to work to make a living. He already knew the secret that I am about to share, namely that crime does pay.

In the days following the incident, we have received dozens of phone calls from the banks regarding the thousands of rands that have been spent on all the credit cards at dozens of stores all over the city.

These guys know what everybody should know, namely that the banks do not take the small effort to "hot list" a credit card when you take the effort of phoning them to cancel your cards.

Consequently, whoever has the card in his or her possession, can continue indefinitely to make purchases using the card, as long as the purchases remain a few hundred rands each, because nobody ever checks the signatures on the back of the cards, and the shops only check whether the card is stolen if the sale is higher than some floor limit.

Therefore, I encourage people to use this knowledge to their own gain. The banks, which were supposed to "hot list" the stolen cards, do not lose a cent through this, as they would simply not pay the shops for any purchases made with the stolen cards.

'Crime pays'

The consumer loses because shops increase stock prices to make up for these losses. The criminals (which seem to be including the banks) win again, and crime definitely does pay.

Everybody should supposed to know how easy it is to make crime also work for them. Maybe if everybody knew that the banks are the best assistants that violent criminals could ever find, there will be enough collective pressure on them to clean up their act and take the small effort of "hot listing" cards that are reported as stolen.

But for now, crime still pays.

-=-=-=

I sometimes feel incredibly bad for people who are obviously worse off than me, but when you hear about this sort of thing, then what do you do.

I feel sick and bad that people who genuienly want a sandwich because they are starving will now have to pay the price for those fuckers who abuse the situation.

I don't know how to proceed. Some days I still give, and some days I don't. I just hope I have the discernment to get it right most of the time...